Holding Back

What is it about us therapists that we are so against stepping out? What exactly is the worst thing that can happen? Mmmmm……I can think of lots of things, can you!!

It is so very easy to work with others regarding stepping out, imposter syndrome, and all the other 'little items' that prevent us from being seen, but can we work with others if we have not worked with ourselves first?

Exploring this topic with a client just recently, made me ponder a lot about my own resistance to stepping out. Picking it apart and breaking it down further I arrived at fear of failure. Failing what exactly though, that was perplexing. Fear of looking silly, fear of not being perfect, oops, that’s a common enough one, the fear of not being perfect. All those fears, when they mount up are quite a job to be tackled, aren't they?

This work brought me back to a time many years ago when I was a participant in a Tai Chi class. I loved that class, the peace and tranquillity I gained from the practice first, and all the lessons I learned in the class were mind-blowing. All about myself!

My irritability, my impatience with myself, my lack of love for myself, my eagerness to beat myself up when I got something wrong. All happened as a matter of routine, all unconscious behaviour, but very damaging. A block to progress some might say.

The lesson I learned about being perfect, was a very poignant one. We were doing the twenty-seven points to standing meditation. I went to work the next day and typed them out on a sheet of paper, enlarged it to fit a flip chart stand, and brought it along to the class. We decided there and then that some kind of covering would be a really good idea, as it would protect the poster from becoming damaged or torn.

I took out a sheet of clear contact to put on the front of the poster and low and behold it crumpled up in one corner. Anyone who has worked with clear contact knows exactly how frustrating it is to get it to sit properly. I was having forty fits to myself when the instructor swiftly took the poster and pinned it up on the wall in front of the class. He reminded me that nobody was perfect and that was my little piece of perfect imperfection. I was disgusted, to say the least! Having to look at that poster every week soon encouraged me to redefine perfect!!!

One reason for not wanting to step out was fear of not getting it right. That held me back for a long time. But I now want to know, what is the right thing? Does anyone know?  All these right things that I was taught as a child, suddenly don’t seem relevant anymore because I am willing to do the work, the work on myself I mean.

Fear is a necessary evil, it keeps us safe, it drives us nuts, it holds us back, and it stops us from walking out onto the busy road. Looking at one fear acronym, False Evidence Appearing Real, what's false, what's true. That's the work, finding out the truth about the situation.

A great way to deal with this is to use Neuro Linguistic Programming and Quantum release. They work so well together. Once we identify the issue then all we have to do is release the emotion. How easy is that? With the right practitioner, I can say from experience, it is very easy.

So, the work goes on, holding back because of what exactly someone, or something? Courage is required to move out of holding-back mode and into stepping out. I have been so fortunate to have met amazing teachers along the way on my journey who encouraged me with love, support, and challenge for that I am so grateful, to step out of my own way and be seen.

What’s holding you back?